|
|
|
Family Food &
Nutrition |
|
|
|
Family Food &
Nutrition |
by Samantha Marshall, one of the students in this class during 2001
There are many reasons and plenty of evidence supporting that breast milk is best for babies. But, even with this knowledge breastfeeding mothers often feel the need to defend the decision to breastfeed. One could speculate and debate the reasons why our "United States American popular culture" doesn't support breastfeeding, and never reach any satisfactory conclusions. There is a push to get new mothers to nurse their newborns, but the family, friend, and work environments do not always support the breastfeeding decision. So, for mothers to make the decision to breastfeed, it is important for them to know, not only the benefits, but the challenges of breastfeeding as well. Breastfeeding is not always an uncomplicated natural process. It takes determination and hard work to breastfeed successfully. What it boils down to, knowing all the benefits and knowing all the difficulties, is that breastfeeding is a personal choice. No one else should be able to tell a mother what her relationship with her child should be. This includes the feeding relationship. But, people still act as surprised when children are nursed beyond a few months. Often the mother will start feeling pressure to either defend her decision or to stop altogether.
I was blessed with a very supportive family and circle of friends. Though they may not understand my breastfeeding my daughter for so long, they are supportive of my doing so. Even so, as my daughter passed her 1 year birthday, I started to feel disapproval at times. At first it bothered me, that was until I stopped being concerned with the opinions of others and remained focused on what my daughter and I needed from the breastfeeding relationship. I enjoy breastfeeding my daughter, especially now that she can express her feelings so well. How much more appreciation can one feel than when your child reaches up and kisses you for making him/her so happy? And this happens often with breastfeeding. So, for me, all the "cons" couldn't outweigh the "pros."
Then came the next hurdle. Finding out that I'm expecting our second child. Immediately upon hearing the news, most family and friends assume I am planning to wean my daughter. They don't ask how I feel about it, or if I feel I need to wean her, they simply make some statement like, "Well, she's going to have to stop that now." Their message was perfectly clear; "You can't nurse during pregnancy." Upon the news of baby #2, I did start researching more seriously about weaning. I imagine it would be easier to only have to nourish one baby at a time. However, I don't want weaning to be a painful experience for my daughter either. To accomplish a peaceful weaning could take months anyhow, and I only have 8 until my next baby arrives. Again, I had to stop and reevaluate my position and what I wanted to do. I discovered that even pregnant, I am not ready to lose this part of my relationship with my daughter. So, now I research the physical demands of being pregnant and breastfeeding simultaneously. And, unless my daughter weans herself in the next 8 months, I have tandem nursing to consider as well. I wouldn't be upset if she did wean herself, but I am not up to the task of forcing her to do so. Weaning is a whole different endeavor for a 20 month old, than for a 3, 6 or even 9 month old. And since I believe weaning should be accomplished in cooperation with the child, not done to her/him, I am waiting for my daughter to show me she is ready.
It seems like weaning should be easy: make the decision to wean, start breastfeeding less and less, and then stop. But, because breastfeeding is about so much more than hunger and nutrition, weaning is much more complicated. A younger child may be more accepting of switching to bottle feedings, especially if s/he is still getting plenty of time in a caregiver's arms during the feedings. But, weaning a toddler from the breast to adult-like food and a cup can be difficult. Ellyn Satter advocated weaning by one year in order to ensure a healthy feeding relationship. In Child of Mine she did cover the issues of breastfeeding and weaning, however failed to address the functions of breastfeeding beyond nutrition (297-301). In fact, she went so far as to say that a nursing toddler is "[. . .] making himself into a baby. That's negative attention [. . .]" (301). Satter apparently never took the time to research healthy nursing relationships before coming to her conclusions. As I read those pages I had to remind myself that she is a nutritional therapist, and is accustomed to solving problems. Perhaps she has had many clients/patients that had issues with breastfeeding, however breastfeeding is not a problem for everyone. Just as an obvious example, cultures in which extended breastfeeding is common are not besieged with children and adults with food issues arising from too much breastfeeding. And all other things being equal, I would be willing to bet that the United States has more eating problems than other cultures.
I truly appreciate Satter's advice on healthy eating. I imagine Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family will be around my kitchen for a long time to come. However, I have to adjust for my differing opinion in this area. Breastfeeding is not only about eating, and so I believe Satter did not give it adequate consideration. My daughter was born a "high needs", "difficult", and "slow-to-warm-up" baby. I do not expect her to now, 20 months later, suddenly become an easy, compliant toddler. Breastfeeding is one of the few areas where I can count on her being relaxed, comfortable and content. I have no desire to make breastfeeding a struggle as well. I set some limits on breastfeeding, such as when and where, but I also pay attention to how she asks to nurse. There are times when I can get her to eat regular foods, but more often when she wants to nurse, we do so. Hers is not a ploy for attention or an ugly habit, nursing satisfies a need. I believe it is more emotional than anything else. And I know, from experience, that she cannot be forced to ignore that need and just get over it. So we continue our nursing relationship.
I have faith that as long as I model good eating, she'll learn to do the same, in her own time. My responsibility lies in being a responsive, sensitive parent and a good model. It is not my responsibility to force her into giving up breastfeeding before she is ready. Just as children learn to sit, crawl, and walk in a natural progression as they develop, the nursing relationship develops as well. She'll move on to more adult-like eating when her need for the security and comfort of breastfeeding is satisfied.
Just as a final note, I am very pro-breastfeeding. And, honestly, it saddens me when women don't put in any effort to making the breastfeeding relationship work. However, I do recognize that breastfeeding does not make the parent. Being a parent is about so much more than how a child gets his/her nutrition. If bottle-feeding is what allows for a healthy relationship, then that is the right decision for that parent-child pair.
There are so many sources out there for information on breastfeeding that it is difficult to choose which ones to share. These are some that I've found in my own quest for support, but they are in no way all-inclusive or the only "right" information out there.
Breastfeeding: Is extended breastfeeding of any value? http://s.ivillage.com/topics/centart?redirect=http://www.parentsplace.com/babies/nutrition/qa/0,8891,6366,00.html
When do children naturally wean? http://www.parentsplace.com/babies/nutrition/qa/0,8891,6227,00.html
Breastfeeding Books - Moms Online http://momsonline.oxygen.com/agesandstages/babies/babies101/article.asp?key=r012611
Attachment Parenting Links - Extended Breastfeeding http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Prairie/3490/aplinks2.html
la leche league http://www.lalecheleague.org/
Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk (RE9729) (AMERICAN ACADEMY OF PEDIATRICS) http://www.aap.org/policy/re9729.html
tandem nursing http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/8148/tandem.html
